Kamis, 18 Desember 2008


Eni terjemahan Ndaru dari tulisan temen deket Ndaru yang mengalami gojag-gajeg ke Opungnya. Ndaru tulis berdasarkan kesaksian dia, semoga bisa dibuat panglimbang2 buat kita smua. Udah dapet ijin kok :)

What is grandpa? He is my dad's father. This is the simple structure to be undertaken. But, watching him in his sleep yesterday had brought me into a very deep thinking of what we have been through for almost 23 years I am here. I know him as my dad's father, an old man who was charming in his age, a father of six children who successfully sent them to university, a father who lost his only daughter, and a man with much honor, at least in his closest surrounding. He is a hard worker, with a great determination to his work. He is a man who believes in what he can do.

Yet, he is also a man with too much pride, the most stubborn man I have ever met. Perhaps, if he could, he would have climbed the Everest Mountain only to say "I am a man". He crowns himself the center of the-home-everything. As a husband, he dominates all positions at home, placing my grandma in the second line. A marriage expert said, a couple should be partners. But, my grandma, frankly, does not earn much appreciation from her husband for all things she has done. My grandpa complains much when he does not get things exactly like he wants. When my grandma cannot provide him the lunch he wants, my grandpa considers it as intolerable. He thinks a wife should do anything to her husband, without any reflection of what I have given to my wife. As a father, he does the job well, including sending all of the children to university, but often he is ignorant. I remembered my dad told me a story about his childhood; how his father even did not understand to buy him uniform.

Yes, I blame him for his ignorance and idiot behavior as a husband and father. I blame him for making my father to be weirdo. And I hate his inconsistency and low quality of being a husband and father. My grandpa left my grandma and his two sons, including my dad, twice, to be with a woman next-door. I realize how much he hurt my dad. My grand grandma once told me that after left by his father, my dad lived with her and often they had to eat corn in stead of rice. Even though they reunited as family, my grandpa did not give much attention to my dad. He started to complete his level as a father when my aunt was born later. Lucky her! She had the real father then.

And, yesterday, my grandpa changed into a spoiled boy who could not do anything to face heart attack and acute lung infection. I heard him complained much; that it hurts, he wants to breathe normally, or he wants to go home. Three years ago when he got his first heart attack, he was warned not to smoke anymore. But, as a man who believes in what he can do, he continued smoking and continually said "I will be fine".

My dad was there with my grandpa. I saw him crying when he met his father in the ICU. I watched them closely; how my dad got the food for my grandpa, how he took care of him, and how he continually ensured him that he would be fine. The pain had gone when my dad found his father dying.

My mind went into my childhood. My grandpa often brought me to see his rice fields and let me play in the river. Oh, I still remembered when he brought me to his school using the grey vespa. He let me sit in the front paddle then bought me some snack. Sometimes we also went fishing together. Later, when I left his house he would give me money. He always said, "Buy some books then". Learning from my grandpa's mistakes, my dad tried to be a better father for me and my sister. Yes, he IS a good father, but he is not a good man. I do understand that everything he does is only for giving me the best. However, I am not a robot that can be controlled everytime. I will choose my own path when I am ready, but I will love both my grandpa and my dad for the whole of my life, no matter how hurt it is.

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1 komentar:

freak dreamer mengatakan...

*hiks* jadi pingin nangis bacanya. Jadi inget mbah kakung n bapak gw.. thx for sharing the article, Ru...